I will be waiting then at the place we
left behind,
waiting for you there. I have gone,
and searched, and tried.
I have failed. Maybe this is the
pure fact of it now -
that I was never meant to leave that place,
that my time there was all I was ever
allowed,
and do I now realize how foolish the impulse
to abandon that certainty must seem?
I am sick of searching, waiting, denying.
Enough of lies and patience.
Enough of foolish dreams.
I see you now, striding so far ahead and
know I cannot follow.
I can wait - will wait - because I have
nowhere left to go and nothing else left to be.
I was always back there, caught up in a
time already
abandoned and gone, and I see now that
by allowing
myself to believe I could move forward,
I have done nothing but foster my own
self-delusion,
prolong my own needless suffering.
I will go back, I will succumb, because
it is over now,
those dark days offer cold and peace and
the ability to forget,
and I am so, so, so very tired of trying
to remember.
Please don't ask me to remember.
Please don't ask me to stay.
Will you mourn me then, look back over
my receding footsteps in pain?
All I need is your understanding - for
you to know that I do this now without tears in my eyes,
that the knowledge brings with it a freedom
from pain.
Admire my liberty. Rejoice in my
retreat,
because my feet cannot keep walking,
and darkness has already swallowed my
path.
Someday you too will reach your end.
You will journey back to the beginning,
and on that day, when the darkness grows
to swallow you
and all this fervent struggle is forgotten,
remember that I will already be there
-
I will be waiting for you then,
waiting patiently for your return.